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the Deceptively, Vindictive Detractor of D.V.D.s September 21, 2008

Posted by The Ringer in D.V.D. reviews..., movie reviews.
Utah!!! TWO!!!

I caught my first tube today...sir.

Theatrophobic? Netflixiphiliac? Don’t trust your friends’ opinions?
the Deceptively, Vindictive Detractor is here to tell you which rentals are worth being burned onto plastic, and which are expensive coasters.

Street Kings – Keanu Reeves plays Keanu Reeves, only drunker.

A fuck ’em, bag ’em, and tag ’em…then ask questions cop drama, ‘Street Kings’ centres around a transparent conspiracy that envelopes the corrupt policemen that weave the conspiracy itself. Keanu plays the dumbest, yet most talented corrupt cop ever and he kills everyone in his path all while pounding nips of vodka….classy!  <Jump!>There’s no reinvention of any aspect of entertainment or moving making from opening to closing, but a decent cast, and plenty of violence make it an entertaining tongue-in-cheek genre spoof that’s almost as worthwhile as ‘Snakes on a Plane.’ It’s biggest flaw may also be it’s most impressive theme: the plot is so obvious to the audience that it’s painful to watch Reeves fumble his way around the L.A. But if his character had a clue…there would not be a movie. Thus…Keanu was the only man for this film.

Verdict: Watchable.

Deceptively, Vindictive Detractor extras

Thank Youtube for the trailer.

Happy Easter

Click here, and you’ll never come back…

21 – Kevin Spacey plays a nerdy, neurotic, smarmy M.I.T. professor.

Poor kid needs money, gambles illegally, falls for an unrealistically attractive girl, loses it all…bores audience for one hundred and twenty-three minutes, most of which was C.G.I. shots of poker chips. The Asian community should be happy they were underrepresented in this trash fest, not upset that most of the real M.I.T. students were portrayed as ‘Not Asian.’

Verdict: Unwatchable.

Deceptively, Vindictive Detractor extras

Notes: I’m not joking about the film containing an absurd amount of computer generated tracking shots through microscopic holes in between poker chips and over green velvet.

Happy Easter



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