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Downright Vindictive Detractor of D.V.D.s – The Incredible Hulk October 27, 2008

Posted by The Ringer in D.V.D. reviews..., movie reviews.
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Theatrophobic? Netflixiphiliac? Don’t trust your friends’ opinions?
the Deceptively, Vindictive Detractor is here to tell you which rentals are worth being burned onto plastic, and which are expensive coasters.
I ATE TOO MANY BEEEEEEAAAAANS!
I ATE TOO MANY BEEEEEEAAAAANS!

The Incredible Hulk (Universal) – Ed Norton as the angry and unpredictable Jose Canceco. JOSE SMASH FRIENDS’ CAREERS!

As a kid I was a big fan of the television version of the Incredible Hulk. Of course I also was a big fan of Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire and Jose Canceco. The point is sometimes things are best left in the past. But Ed Norton wouldn’t leave a mediocre thing alone and teamed up with the incomparably mediocre Liv Tyler and churned out this anti-steriod, anti-military, anti-originality piece of celluloid.

The whole concept of the Hulk is destined for not so great movie making. It worked for comic books because they cost nothing to make and even less to buy. Cheap prices forgive flimsy reasons to have a college professor turn green, giant, dumb and ulta-violent. The TV show was fun because it was free, which is the only thing cheaper than cheap. This movie cost roughly one million and two hundred fifty thousand dollars per minute of screen time to make. That’s some serious green. Seeing the movie costs twelve dollars which would be a fair price to see Ed Norton in an epic action adventure directed by Louis Letterier, the genius behind both “Transporters” and “Unleashed” but since they teamed up to re-make/replace Ang Lee’s “The Hulk” twelve bucks is ten too many. Additionally, if you’ve already seen this year’s “Iron Man” than any amount of money thrown at the new Bruce Banner is a penny too many. These two flicks share such a similiar story arc it’s rage inducing.

Ang Lee actually tapped into Bruce Banner’s past. He explained the reason for anger triggering the Hulk. He made Banner a character seperate from the others by giving him a unique past. Ed Norton simplified the man behind the green and strapped a heart moniter to his wrist. Way to take the few interesting things out of this comic and replace them with Tim Roth on gamma ‘roids. Other things Norton screwed the nuclear pooch on: who the hell needs a wrist watch style heart monitor to tell you that your ticker is about to hit 200 beats per minute? No one. No one other than coma victims and meth addicts; and I’m pretty fucking sure Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk when he gets angry…not when he gets a boner.

Verdict – The only thing that saved this movie is that Ang Lee’s version was total shit. But it’s worth viewing on the Wednesday of your ‘Stay-cation’ for the $3.75 rental fee.

Give your money to Steve Jobs: iTunes available.

Downright Vindictive Detractor extras:

Politics + Hulk Ripoff + Cleavage = Killing Time at Work

The most entertaining thing since midgets playing volleyaball

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