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Downright Vindictive Detractor reviews Hancock November 26, 2008

Posted by The Ringer in D.V.D. reviews..., movie reviews.
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Theatrophobic? Netflixiphiliac? Don’t trust your friends’ opinions?
the Deceptively, Vindictive Detractor is here to tell you which rentals are worth being burned onto plastic, and which are expensive coasters.

Hancock (Columbia Pictures) – Will Smith as a black superhero… that’s a bum and an alcoholic. Typical. Way to set back African-Americans by another decade, Will.

Available on Netflix, Lackluster.com and iTunes.

Hancock ponders how to rescue Whoopie Goldberg from beaching herself.

Hancock ponders how to rescue Whoopie Goldberg from beaching herself.

If you have internet or a television then you already know the basic set-up of the movie , so I won’t waste a second of the five minutes that you’ve decided not to do anything at work to read this. In fact I bet you’ve come to this page because you’re boss had the I.T. dweebs block GaySpace from your office.

More if you click ‘More’

So, critics hated Hancock and you probably saw it in theaters judging from it’s $625,000,000 world wide gross.  This paints the general picture for Will Smith’s ‘cock. [This abbreviation is for the ladies.] The English Patient it is not, but the general public does love movies that aren’t The English Patient, and ‘cock brings something different to the table. This movie isn’t the comedy that the ‘cock’s campaign made it seem. Jason Bateman, somehow, isn’t funny in the movie. I don’t know how Peter Berg managed this as Bateman is funny in everything even movies about terrorist murders of American citizens in the Middle East post 9/11, something no one else could accomplish especially Jim Carey who sucks now and is hated by everyone with a cerebellum. But, and this is a big but, ‘cock does deliver the goods. Those goods are a thick, creamy dose of dark semi-drama about a troubled soul who struggles with his relationships, his job, love life and fashion style. If you can’t relate to at least two of these than ‘cock’s creamy deliciousness has missed it’s mark and you’re probably too successful for you not to be a total deuche nozzle.

Over all, the ‘cock is a decent story with some humorous moments, touching moments and some cool action and special effects. Not too shabby. And considering it landed right in the middle of the 2008 graduating class of Fuck You Amounts of Comic Book Movies, ‘cock splashes something with more substance than the rest, especially The Incredible Hulk.

Verdict – Worth renting if you didn’t see it in theaters, not worth buying because Charlize Theron is too high and mighty to get topless for Jason Bateman or Will Smith. If you don’t love the brothas, at least give the Great White Hype a fighting chance.

Downright Vindictive Detractor extras…

I believe the classy Whoopie joke in the picture caption is all the ‘extra’ you need while goofing off from work 24 hours before you shove turkey and pumpkin pie into your digestive system. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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