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The Worst of ’08 in 5 Minutes January 4, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Year in Review.
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One of the worst years of the decade is finally over. Fortunately it was an above average year for the film scene. As much as it pains me to say it even Hollywood managed to pump out some good stuff on the blockbuster front for once. But of course California’s entertainment capitol also shoved some soft, nut filled dookie down our throats. Here’s what has been floating in the bowl over the year.

Indeeee! Cova ya hog!

Indeeee! Cova ya hog!

Biggest Disappointment: Indiana Jones (Paramount) – South Park’s episode  The China Probrem pretty

much illustrates what happened with this film. Watch it here. Scrilla Made, $601,558,759 Rottentomatoes.com Score, 76%.

Worst Fantasy: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (Fox) – I’d rather marry the corpse of Courtney Love than watch this again. Wait, she’s not dead. Well, either way. Scrilla Lost, $48,161,626. Rottentomatoes Score, 4%. Ouch.

Worst Horror: The Eye (Paramount Vantage) – Physical proof that putting Jessica Alba in any movie is a good business decision no matter how damning it may be to the integrity of art. Scrilla Made, $56,309,826. RT Score,  22%.

Myers counts the different places to love Jessica Alba.

Myers counts the different places to love Jessica Alba.

Worst Comedy: The Love Guru (Paramount Pictures) – When a movie with Jessica Alba loses $21,180,936 the person responsible should commit suicide. Your move Mike Myers. Scrilla Lost, Read the last sentence. RT Score, 14%

Worst Action Movie: Bangkok Dangerous (Lions Gate) – Nicholas Cage’s only effort in ’08 needed more bears punching women.  Scrilla Lost, $6,321,077. RT Score, 9%.

Read the rest of this horrible list by clicking (More…)

Worst Thriller: Eagle Eye (Dreamworks) – Few movies lack the ability to suspend disbelief without the help of Jerry Bruckheimer or Michael Bay. Eagle Eye finds a way. Scrilla Made, $94,000,000. RT Score, 27%.

A prehistoric basketball team.

A prehistoric basketball team.

Worst Historical: 10,000 B.C. (WB) – How this movie made so much money escapes me. Then again so does the meaning of life and how a slinky works. Scrilla Made, $174,288,569. RT Score 9%.

Worst Comic Book: The Dark Knight (WB) Just kidding… real worse comic book movie of ’08 – The Spirit (Lions Gate) If it isn’t called Sin City 2 no one gives a shit what Frank Miller is doing. Scrilla Lost, n/a. RT Score, 15%.

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR: M. Night Shittymovieman’s The Happening (Fox) – Bad M. Night, bad. You’re in time out. Bad director. Shame on you. An ‘Inconvenient Truth’ was a more riveting diatribe on the environment and the acting wasn’t as stiff. Scrilla Made, $108,340,722. RT Score, 19%.

In summation; the amount of money these films profited from the box office totals $958,834,237. This pretty much proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that film has nothing to do with quality and that success is based on appeal not quality. Maybe findingastrangerinthealps.wordpress.com should sell out. We’d get more hits. And there’s nothing more appealing than hits.

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