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Five Things I Demand Lost Explain To Me January 21, 2009

Posted by Mitch Kayak in Uncategorized.
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lost-logo1Well, there is a new season of Lost starting, so prepare to be confused as fuck for the next four or five months. I always enjoy the season premier because I get one or two answers and about 4 Billion more questions.  Not that  I mind, but I have no idea how they are going to wrap this up with a satisfying conclusion next year. Unless they pull the Wizard of Oz ending and watch as the Interwebs explodes.

Below are the five things that Lost needs to explain, and I have no clue how they can do it:

1.) The Four Toed Statue: What the fuck? There seems to have been a race of giant four toed douchebags on the island at some point. With the way the show is going, which seems to be focused more on time travel, I really hope they don’t try to explain that using aliens.

2.) The Smoke Monster: This is the real big one for most people. At first it seemed to be a giant mechanical snake that chilled underground. That would be cool and all, but now it seems to be a writer’s device to use when they don’t know how to write themselves out of a corner (See: Ecko). Every explanation I have seen on the web makes me want to stab small children in the face, especially the smoke being the hand of fate.  Writers of Lost please do not do this and make me go on a child stabbing spree.

3.) Walt’s superpowers: They have kinda left this one alone for awhile, but it seems like Walt can make things randomly happen.  Originally it seemed like The Others wanted him for that reason, but then they let him go and it hasn’t really been brought up again.  It seems like his only superpower now is that he grows really fucking fast.

4.) Aaron: Also, originally it seemed like he was really important to the island, thus Claire running around screaming about her BAY-BE all the freaking time. Not it seems like island doesn’t want him back and also that he is growing into a really ugly child.

5.) Nicky and Palo: Just kidding, the writers already explained them, apparently they were drunk and high when they wrote that episode. I hope they both died painfully. It seems like they did,  so huzzah!

So get to it Lost, explain those things to me, or at least show me Kate in a bikini more often.

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