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1 Minute Movie Review – Gran Torino. The 2 Minute Director’s Cut January 23, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in 1 minute movie review, movie reviews.

Normally this is where I'd make fun of Eastwood for having a face that resembles a woman's anatomy but I'm scared that he'll stomp my face into a curb while reminding me that I'm a nancy girl.

Normally the caption would make fun of the star of the movie but I'm scared that Eastwood'll stomp my face into a curb while reminding me that I'm a pussy and a ginger, mick potato lover. Mmmm... potatoes.

Gran Torino (Warner Bros.) is racism squared multiplied by the square root of racial slurs MINUS bigotry plus unintentional hilarity, and twirling… always twirling towards freedom. Seriously though, Eastwood brings his geriatric cowboy/Dirty Harry persona to a Korean neighborhood and spends 2 hours calling everyone ‘zipperhead’. This would be uncalled for and offensive if it wasn’t coming out of an old man with his pants lifted above his bellybutton who then saves all the aforementioned zipperheads from gang violence. He’s like Archie Bunker with guns, chewing tobacco and shitty classic car.

Verdict – Very Watchable. Eastwood is a badass crotchedy old man who makes ya laugh, and he makes ya sad. The touching end of the film had the audience dead silent and there were multiple people weeping. Not me though, I was still laughing at the rampant racism.



1. Mike P - January 24, 2009

You can have my car as long as you don’t choptop it like a beaner, add a spoiler like a ricerocket, or paint one of those gay ass gang symbols on the side.

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