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Now This is a Martial Arts Discipline for Real Men July 11, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Uncategorized.
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http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/1164655647.html

best of craigslistphoenix > Drunk as Balls Dojo

Drunk as Balls Dojo

Date: 2009-05-11, 12:21AM MST

Are you a casual drunk to full blown alcoholic? Is your mouth often writing checks your fists can’t cash? Drunk as Balls Dojo is the answer to all of your problems. At Drunk as Balls Dojo you will learn the fine art of bar fighting from one of the nation’s premiere trouble drunks- Ryan O’Reilly. Master O’Reilly has been banned nationally from such established chains as Friday’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, and every Border’s Book Store containing a Starbucks. He is an expert in the “What are you looking at” and “You got a problem” fighting styles, but is very skilled in a variety of other styles such as “She was talking to me.”
Master O’reilly will take you from the pansy-ass lush you are now to becoming a true liability in only 5 weeks. Intensive training covering such varied areas of self-offense as:
-Using wing sauce as a weapon
-Breaking a beer bottle without slicing and dicing your hands
– Accurate projectile vomiting
– Flicking a lit cigarette into someones face
– “Getting the fuck outta there”

Classes will be held every Monday, Weds, and Friday- with Fridays being reserved for critiquing failed technique in the classic and award winning movie Roadhouse. You’ll come to class, get wasted drunk, and mix it up with other like-minded individuals. Master Ryan will show you the path to true ‘trouble maker.’ Only when you reach that point will you be able to tell that douche-bag how ridiculous his shirt/hat/girlfriend is with the confidence that only comes from being trained as a drunk fighter. If you aspire to bar-flydom, this class is a must have!

Classes start at $50 a week + a 12 pack per class.

  • Location: Tempe
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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Golden Nuggets July 10, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Golden Nuggets.
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Looks like Obama has officially passed Clinton as the coolest president ever.

Looks like Obama has officially passed Clinton as the coolest president ever.

You don’t have time to read every piece of crap written on every crappy blog. You’ve got videos of a sleep walking dog to watch. So here’s the Golden Nuggets hidden in the Uproxx logs of blogs.

With Leather – Move over Broadway Joe! We have a new champion of terribly awkward interviews due to sexual harassment. If you watch only one web clip today, this weekend, this month… make it this one… Also, fuck you to the people who pronounce harassment as ‘Harris-mint.’ It’s Ha-Rass-MENT not MINT. Move to the south!

Film Drunk – Sector 9 has a terrible name for a movie, but a cool trailer. I hope this movie is fantastic so this summer doesn’t go down as the decade’s worst movie season.

Film Drunk – Another reason to not respect Kevin Smith. After Mallrats it was all downhill. Not that Clerks or Rats were technically “good.”

Warming Glow – Video of Asians doing Christopher Walken impressions. Some are good while others are just for laughing at Asians. But more importantly Tosh.O is a great show as described hitherto.

Warming Glow – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is better than your favorite TV show. Speaking of which Entourage has been getting extremely rough treatment recently and isn’t favored by anyone anymore. Apparently people didn’t notice 5 years ago that this show sucked.

DAYMAN! aaahahaaaaaaa! Fighter of the Nightman! Champion of the Sun!

The Smoking Section – Wu Tang plus Samurai movie mash up. Tis Gangster.

Golden Nuggets July 8, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Golden Nuggets.
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You don’t have time to read every piece of crap written on every crappy blog. You’ve got SFW pictures of women to google. So here’s the Golden Nuggets hidden in the Uproxx logs of blogs.
Kanye looks like a metrosexual fish. *Picture courtesy of The Smkoking Section*

Kanye looks like a metrosexual fish. The other guy looks like he's into metrosexual fish. *Picture courtesy of The Smoking Section*

Filmdrunk – I wish all movie trailers received this treatment.

Warming Glow – Come for Macho Man Randy Savage, stay for the factory explosion story.

With Leather – This is even more enjoyable if you pretend he’s an Emo or a Frenchman.

The Smoking Section – Grab some munchies, a 40 gallon slurpie and put this video on infinite loop. I think. Wait, what? Hold on I can’t find my Visine.

Buzzcuts – This is also more enjoyable if you pretend he’s a baby Emo or French. But either way props to whichever parent planned this. That’ll teach the little bastard to trust you.

WWTDD – Durden continues to be an excuse for celebrity bikini photos and Perez Hilton insults. But today, and once again, is all about Michael Jackson, because apparently what Durden would do is sell out.

*Bonus Nugget*

Videogum – New Jersey does love terrible things.

Digest This – Golden Nuggets July 7, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Golden Nuggets.
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You don’t have time to read every piece of crap written on every crappy blog. You’ve got SFW pictures of women to google. So here’s the Golden Nuggets hidden in the Uproxx logs of blogs.

Filmdrunk – Baywatch movie. This is worth reading for two reasons. One of them is the spectacularly out of line joke about child birth.

With Leather – Ocho Cinco to Twitterito.  Poignant summary.

With Leather – Youtube fake? Either way this has worst acting that the Hills and with uglier people.

Warming Glow – Ever wonder what Demerol will do to you while hanging out with King of Dcuches Brett Ratner?

Kissing Suzy Kolber – Football Fridays. I guess those who really love football will really maybe kinda like this news, maybe.

The Rap Up – Talent that can be appreciated by anyone.

Buzz Cuts – Writing a book about Rush Limbaugh being stupid will help you become a senator. That’s how Al Franken did it anyway and this is proof that someone went from SNL writer to one of the highest ranking politicians in the country.

WWTDD – Durden continues to be an excuse for celebrity bikini photos and Perez Hilton insults. But today its all about Michael Jackson, because apparently what Durden would do is sell out.

The Greatest T-Shirt Ever July 1, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Big Lebowski.
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Walter would get you a toe by three o'clock. You don't want to know about it, believe me. He'd also never board your show dog. It's hair would fall out. Dog's got fucking papers.

Walter would get you a toe by three o’clock. You don’t want to know about it, believe me. He’d also never board your show dog. It’s hair would fall out. Dog’s got fucking papers.

You can buy it here – http://www.orangealexander.com/1086.html