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1 Minute Movie Review – The Expendables August 30, 2010

Posted by Mitch Kayak in 1 minute movie review, movie reviews.
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In the real world, both his shoulders would be dislocated

Holy crap. Seriously, holy fucking crap. That is all I thought walking out of this movie. It has some of the worst dialogue, acting,  and special effects ever created. Yet, on some level I enjoyed it. I think it mostly has to do with Terry Crews showing up with some sort of automatic shotgun and killing everything on-screen.

I’m not even going to do a recap of what happens in this movie because it really doesn’t matter. All you have to know is that if you were a young boy in the late 80s and early 90s you will probably like this movie.  Do not under any circumstances bring your wife/girlfriend/hooker to this movie. They will hate you for wasting their time and look at you with disgust when you tell them you strangely enjoyed it.

To wrap up my quick review, let me just break down one thing for you. Most of the movie takes place on a made up island called Vilena. At some point someone mentions that the island has 6,000 people on it. I’ve thought about it and I assumed that there was probably 1 solider for every 10 people on the island. So the climatic scene is five heavily armed guys against 600 heavily armed soldiers.  I tried to count how many people the five heavily armed men killed but I lost count somewhere around the 20th knife that Jason Statham launched through someone’s neck (how many knives did he bring??). So I’m going to assume that they killed 400 people. They killed 67% of this small island’s army.  That sums up this movie pretty well.

Oh and also Stone Cold Steve Austin catches on fire and Randy Couture kicks him in the face WHILE HE IS ON FIRE.

OSCARS FOR EVERYONE.

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Quick Thoughts about the Emmys August 30, 2010

Posted by Mitch Kayak in Uncategorized.
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Well the Emmys happened last night. Not sure why I watched, wait no I’m pretty sure it was because my wife forced me to watch the pre show and we were mesmerized by the train wreck and watched the whole thing. Below are a few just quick thoughts I had before my brain melted:

– Not sure who is worse, Billy Bush or Ryan Seacrest. They both seem to think they are insightful and funny yet come off as creepy and borderline racist most of the time.

– I still don’t get why Glee is popular. I’ve tried to watch an entire episode. It isn’t funny and mostly keeps you watching by tapping into the nostalgia of old 80’s songs.  What am I missing?

– I hate Jimmy Fallon and I’m not sure why. He tries hard and sometimes can come up with a good joke. Is it just because he was so terrible on SNL and ruined every skit he was in with his uncontrolled laughing? Yes,  that is probably it.

– Conan should have won the Emmy. Not just because he deserved it, but because I’m sure his speech would have been amazingly epic. Damn you NBC.

– Speaking of NBC, all their new fall shows look god awful. Jesus.  Not surprised, they are the people who gave Jay Leno an hour of prime time 5 days a week.

– Ricky Gervais probably got the biggest laugh of the night out of me. Can’t we just let him host every award show? Preferably drunk.

– As for the actual awards, meh. I’m glad Mad Men won and I’m a little annoyed Lost got snubbed completely in their last season. Besides that all I learned was that the voters really love movies about autistic people.  Noted.