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The Dangers of Special Editions August 21, 2008

Posted by Mike in Big Lebowski, cancer jokes, movies I quote entirely too often, special editions.
1 comment so far

You probably haven’t figured this out yet from the name of the blog or the banner image, but we sort of like The Big Lebowski around here a little. If you haven’t seen it, or worse, aren’t a believer, stop reading this right now. Go outside and run facefirst into a lightpost for 15 minutes. Then head to the nearest video store and rent the movie.

Or better yet, buy the 10th anniversary edition DVD that’s coming out. As you can see below, it comes in a really clever package of… a bowling ball.

This got me thinking; what other movies, were they to put out special edition DVDs, could go with unique packaging like this? There’s one that sprang to mind immediately for me – but we’ll save that until last.

* Pulp Fiction
Comes contained in your very own red ball gag! Except that in order for the DVD to fit in it, it’d have to be a pretty goddamn large ball gag. Perfect for you fatties out there. That’s right, I’m talking to you. Fatty.

* Thank You for Smoking
Comes tastefully packaged in an enormous cancerous mass. We all know Nick Nailor was ending up with the big “C”. I just haven’t figured out if it came from his massive smoking habit, or if Xenu willed it upon him because he slept with Katie Holmes. But that’s besides the point: your DVD will come encompassed in cancer. Just like your black, black lungs.

* Apocolypse Now
Arrives in a special edition Vietnam-era U.S. Army hand grenade. Just pull the pin to get to the DVD. Hey, what’s that ticking sound?

* Star Wars
This one seems obvious – it comes in the Death Star! Less obvious? When the Death Star becomes fully operational and vaporizes your other DVDs, all for the glorification of that douchebag George Lucas. Fuck you, George Lucas.

And finally…

* Seven
Just like in the Lebowski example above… except that instead of coming in a bowling ball, it’d come in a replica of Gwyneth Paltrow’s head. She’d look like all the Canadian characters on South Park. I like to think that there’d be one extra special edition, in which it would really be Gwyneth’s head. “What’s in the box? What’s in the box!? Oh, it’s a special edition DVD with outtakes and director’s commentary. In your girlfriend’s head.”