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Two Minute Movie Review: Drag Me to Hell June 4, 2009

Posted by Mike in 1 minute movie review, Drag Me To Hell.
1 comment so far

(Hey, Wilson. Yeah, you. I just posted this and only then did I realize that you did the same thing yesterday. Well, I’m still putting it up. Done.)

You know how there’s some directors where you can turn on just about any of their movies, and you know immediately who it is just by the style? It’s wordy, violent, and pompous? Ahh, that’s a Tarantino. Full of explosions, bad CGI, explosions, ignorance of plot & character development, explosions, and cinematic cancer? That stench can only be coming from Michael Bay-splosions.

Cute. Soaking wet. Digging up corpses. Dream girl?

Cute. Soaking wet. Digging up corpses. Dream girl?

It’s much the same with Drag Me to Hell, which couldn’t have been more Sam Raimi if it had “BY SAM RAIMI” in sub-titles on every frame. Over-the-top cartoon-esque bodily fluids? Check. Doorway to another dimension? Oh, sure. Eyeballs getting squeezed out of a woman’s head? You better believe it. Invisible evil raising havoc with a person all alone in a house? That’s a paddlin’. I mean – yes, definitely.

You almost get the feeling from this that Raimi sat down and said, “you know what? I’m finally going to write Evil Dead 4. But, hey, Bruce? Yeah, I think I’m going to replace you with a cute blonde girl. Uh huh. Sorry about that. How do I sleep at night? On a giant pile of Spiderman-colored money. Take care.” 

I don’t know if I’d say this is worthy to be mentioned in the pantheon of an all-time classic like Evil Dead 2; probably not, because there were some flaws, firstly that the Apple Guy’s father didn’t say “Fuck you, Jobu” (think about it), and secondly that the Apple Guy didn’t die a horrible Ipod-related death.

But know this: I don’t care how much you hate cats. Short of watching an actual feline snuff film, you will never squirm at a kitten-related incident more than you will at this film. Seriously, I’ve never seen so much of a crowd with their hands over their eyes. At least there was Indian Jonah Hill for comic relief!

Now, where did I put that button?