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Ranking Movie Trilogies: Indiana Jones May 29, 2008

Posted by Mitch Kayak in Indiana Jones, movie trilogies.
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There’s been a lot of talk about the Indiana Jones trilogy, with the release of the new one (which I have yet to see, although I hear there are Commie-fighting monkeys), but I think we need to spend some time dissecting which of the trilogy is the best. I really think there is only one ranking:

1) Raiders of the Lost Ark:
There is really no debate that the original is the greatest. The opening scene has been copied, duplicated, studied, for years. Between not seeing Indy’s face to the amazingly funny special effects on the death of Alfred Molina (playing a Spanish dude?), that scene will live for ages. Plus, the movie doesn’t slow down. There are Nazis, snakes, killer Jew ghosts, annoying French villain, and the guy from Sliders. How can you go wrong?

2) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade:
The addition of Sean Connery as Indy’s dad real kicks this up a notch. This movie seems a lot more playful than its predecessors, but still has the action of the earlier films. Again, this comes from a strong opening with a young coked up Indy dying in front of a Los Angeles club. Wait, no that is River Phoenix. Anyways, you get the idea. From there it just gets stronger, especially in all the semi-slapstick scenes between Indy and his dad. The increased use of Marcus Brody also helps up the comedy, seeing as I think he was vastly underused in the first film.

3) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom:

I’ll relive this movie for you:

Indy: “Sarcastic Remark”

Short Round: “Broken English quip”

Spielberg’s wife: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHINE MOAN BITCH”

Seriously, that is the whole movie. I have never actually gotten a headache from a character in a movie before. Kate Capshaw is a horrid horrid human being and actually destroys the film. If I was Indy I would have let them sacrifice her to the moon gods or whatever they were doing. There are only two redeeming things about this movie. First, Short Round. Sure he is a terrible stereotype straight from a Bugs Bunny cartoon, but come on you laughed. Second, the bad guy fucking rips a dude’s still beating heart out of his chest. That fucking rocks no matter how you cut it.