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Esoteric Movie Tips – Towelhead. March 17, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Esoteric Movie Tips, movie reviews.
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eckhart

Eckart was not thrilled at how much it actually did resemble his chin.

The E.M.T. is here to revive your slowly dying ability and motivation to find movies that don’t involve computer generated graphics, fat Mall Cops, or Tyler Perry.

Towelhead (Warner Independant) – Available on Netflix, Lackluster.com, cafedvd.com, DVDavenue.com and iTunes. 

‘Towelhead’ is your classic 13 year old hottie turns every dude who isn’t a crazy racist into a foaming at the mouth sleezebag. A story to which we can all relate. Well maybe not all of us. Probably just the 1% of people that are petterasses actually. In fact, it’s pretty disgusting and off-putting, yet alluring. Wait what? It’s terrible. It’s sexy. It’s wrong. It’s sexy. It’s illegal. It’s skin is so soft. Oh my god what has happened!?  Was she askin’ fer it? Probably not.

What this movie demonstrates is the duplicity (sorry if you have to look that up in a dictionary, I know learnin’ is dift-ticult) of Middle Easterners’ experience in the understanding, diverse and intellectual environment of early nineties Texas. A state that’s very progressive when compared to 1930’s Germany. 

Click More for the rest of this fine article about a girls cuming of age story.

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Esoteric Movie Tip – Paprika January 26, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Esoteric Movie Tips, movie reviews.
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The E.M.T. is here to revive your slowly dying ability and motivation to find movies that don’t involve computer generated graphics, vampires, or Robert Downey Jr.

Boobs... the stuff dreams are made of.

Boobs... the stuff dreams are made of. Or in this case, Booby-Boob... made with 100% Real Dream Fruit Juice.

Paprika (Sony Pictures Classics)  – Available on Netflix (and Netflix Instant*), Lackluster.com, CafeDVD.com, and iTunes.

‘Paprika’ is your everyday story of a machine that psycho-analyzes your dreams by displaying them on a monitor with full color and sound and can even let someone else jump inside your dream, not only to observe your dream but also to interact with you and your dreamscape. How could anything go wrong? Well the machine that makes all this possible, the DC mini, if worn long enough will entrench itself into your skull and put you into a collective dreamscape that follows a giant parade of inanimate objects, flouting frogs and dolls, millions of dolls… permanently. Which is actually less tormenting than sitting next to your least favorite cousin at Thanksgiving dinner.

Paprika is beautifully animated. It’s probably the most visually intriguing animated movie I’ve ever seen. It’s strange blend of fantasy sequences and reality (or is it? oooooooooo… the intrigue!) make for a stoner’s wet dream and anime lover’s treasure chest, which is normally filled with Star Wars novels, Star Wars porn and regular porn… cause they’re lonely people.

For more click (More… ) If not then proceed to hit up your favorite pornography site, because you know you’re only surfing the rest of the web to make yourself feel better about eventually looking at other people do it.

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Esoteric Movie Tip – Transsiberian November 30, 2008

Posted by The Ringer in Esoteric Movie Tips, movie reviews.
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The E.M.T. is here to revive your slowly dying ability and motivation to find movies that don’t involve computer generated graphics, vampires, or Will Smith.

I don't get it...what rhymes with Dalores?

I don't get it...I look like something that rhymes with Delores? Is it Mulva?

Transsiberian (First Look Studios) – available on Netflix, Lackluster and iTunes.

Director Brad Anderson defies Indie cannon by using plot elements beloved by the mainstream like American tourism, drug running, murder and mixing them with well known Hollywood actors. Going mainstream is the new Indie. Anderson’s previous efforts, both of which are worth renting, were the uplifting romps “The Machinist” and “Session 9” both of which were terribly depressing yet…hypnotic. With “Transsiberian” Mr. Anderson continues his gentle touch for creepy but instead of steering away from typical Hollywood stories and plot structures he takes them into his arms, caresses them and then slyly unclasps her bra despite her declaration of “not” being ready.

Click on More for More…unless you’re not ready. And if you’re not…sorry baby, but I needs to gets mine. (more…)

Esoteric Movie Tip – The Visitor November 24, 2008

Posted by The Ringer in Esoteric Movie Tips, movie reviews.
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The E.M.T. is here to revive your slowly dying ability and motivation to find movies that don’t involve Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Cruise, or Angelina Jolie.

Sooooooo...I don't use my penis?

Sooooooo...I don't use my penis?

The Visitor (Overture Films) – available on Netflix and Blockbuster.com

Thomas McCarthy is probably most known for his performance as Dr. Bob Banks in ‘Meet the Parents’ because 99% of the people in this world are dumber and less cultured than the other 1%. If you’d like to jump from dumb as the rest to smarter than most, rent the McCarthy penned and helmmed ‘The Visitor’ and see what happens when movies are filmed to make a film and not money. Confused? You’re probably in the 99 percentile. Keep reading to change that… (more…)