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Quick Thoughts about the Emmys August 30, 2010

Posted by Mitch Kayak in Uncategorized.
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Well the Emmys happened last night. Not sure why I watched, wait no I’m pretty sure it was because my wife forced me to watch the pre show and we were mesmerized by the train wreck and watched the whole thing. Below are a few just quick thoughts I had before my brain melted:

– Not sure who is worse, Billy Bush or Ryan Seacrest. They both seem to think they are insightful and funny yet come off as creepy and borderline racist most of the time.

– I still don’t get why Glee is popular. I’ve tried to watch an entire episode. It isn’t funny and mostly keeps you watching by tapping into the nostalgia of old 80’s songs.  What am I missing?

– I hate Jimmy Fallon and I’m not sure why. He tries hard and sometimes can come up with a good joke. Is it just because he was so terrible on SNL and ruined every skit he was in with his uncontrolled laughing? Yes,  that is probably it.

– Conan should have won the Emmy. Not just because he deserved it, but because I’m sure his speech would have been amazingly epic. Damn you NBC.

– Speaking of NBC, all their new fall shows look god awful. Jesus.  Not surprised, they are the people who gave Jay Leno an hour of prime time 5 days a week.

– Ricky Gervais probably got the biggest laugh of the night out of me. Can’t we just let him host every award show? Preferably drunk.

– As for the actual awards, meh. I’m glad Mad Men won and I’m a little annoyed Lost got snubbed completely in their last season. Besides that all I learned was that the voters really love movies about autistic people.  Noted.

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Walter Abides April 2, 2010

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http://imgur.com/np889

The Mirage in a Vast Wasteland – The League Week 3 November 13, 2009

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The League (FX) – Thursdays at 10:30 and 11:30pm.

It appears that week 2 of the League was a trick play and the viewers just had the Statue of Liberty play run down the field all over them like that sophomore girl that was invited to Prom by that senior guy who was just short of being nominated for Prom King. She couldn’t say no. He was in the running to be in the running for Prom King. In the end, she should have said no. That guy ruined a perfectly good dress that she was never going to wear again which made her cry even though she was never going to wear the dress again anyway.

Sorry, too much ether last night.

The League failed to conjure multiple laughs after abandoning the successful strategy of using three dirty, naughty, awesome themes to make as many inappropriate jokes as possible.

Grade: D+  Intensely boring. At least they called Frank Gore getting hurt. The only reason to watch week for is that it’s still drafting behind It’s Always Sunny… twice in one night.

Nice Job ESPN November 5, 2009

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espn

Is there no one at ESPN to stop and take thirty seconds to say "Maybe we shouldn't be this racist. We might give Connecticut a bad name"? Clearly, they don't.

The Last, like, Meal, man. August 22, 2009

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- Those are good burgers Walter. - Shut the fuck up Donny!

- Those are good burgers Walter. - Shut the fuck up Donny!

Now This is a Martial Arts Discipline for Real Men July 11, 2009

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http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/1164655647.html

best of craigslistphoenix > Drunk as Balls Dojo

Drunk as Balls Dojo

Date: 2009-05-11, 12:21AM MST

Are you a casual drunk to full blown alcoholic? Is your mouth often writing checks your fists can’t cash? Drunk as Balls Dojo is the answer to all of your problems. At Drunk as Balls Dojo you will learn the fine art of bar fighting from one of the nation’s premiere trouble drunks- Ryan O’Reilly. Master O’Reilly has been banned nationally from such established chains as Friday’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, and every Border’s Book Store containing a Starbucks. He is an expert in the “What are you looking at” and “You got a problem” fighting styles, but is very skilled in a variety of other styles such as “She was talking to me.”
Master O’reilly will take you from the pansy-ass lush you are now to becoming a true liability in only 5 weeks. Intensive training covering such varied areas of self-offense as:
-Using wing sauce as a weapon
-Breaking a beer bottle without slicing and dicing your hands
– Accurate projectile vomiting
– Flicking a lit cigarette into someones face
– “Getting the fuck outta there”

Classes will be held every Monday, Weds, and Friday- with Fridays being reserved for critiquing failed technique in the classic and award winning movie Roadhouse. You’ll come to class, get wasted drunk, and mix it up with other like-minded individuals. Master Ryan will show you the path to true ‘trouble maker.’ Only when you reach that point will you be able to tell that douche-bag how ridiculous his shirt/hat/girlfriend is with the confidence that only comes from being trained as a drunk fighter. If you aspire to bar-flydom, this class is a must have!

Classes start at $50 a week + a 12 pack per class.

  • Location: Tempe
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Remember the Winamp Visualizer? June 20, 2009

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This elevator movie is so much better than any Winamp visualizer you ever saw while eating mushrooms, pizza, pot, beer and ecstasy in between liberal arts classes at UMass Amherst. Click on anything to be linked to video.

Wonderworld? Oh thats past the church of electric light, past the giant baby head with the half man half birdhead guy. If you hit the candy cane forest... you've gone to far. Turn around.

Wonderworld? Oh thats past the church of electric light, past the giant baby head with the half man half birdhead guy. Cross a bridge and you're there. If you hit the candycane forest... you've gone to far. Turn around.

Warning: Soberness may affect the enjoyability (which is kinda like drinkability) of this video.

Movies to Avoid: A Preview of Movies to Avoid June 12, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Movies to Avoid, Uncategorized.
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Because movies don’t come with a warning…

Movies to Avoid This Weekend:

Taking of Pelham 1,2,3  (Columbia)

I told you man! I'm selling these for me! Not no basketball team. I sell 'em so I can buy more candy, stay off the street and outta gangs. Now! All I have left is Peanut M&Ms and Starbursts. WHO WANTS STARBURSTS!??!

I told you man! I'm selling these for me! Not no basketball team. I sell 'em so I can buy more candy, make more money, stay off the street and outta gangs. Now! All I have left is Peanut M&Ms and Starbursts. WHO WANTS STARBURSTS!??!

Judging from the reviews I read glazed over Tony Scott’s ‘Pelham’ sticks to the original story line and does a decent job of updating the Walter Matthau version, which means its cheasy, predictable and nothing more than a cookie cutter hostage flick. The upside; the cast is heavy with respectable thespians Denzel, Tony Soprano, John Tuturro and Luis Guzman (who’s Luis Guzman? He’s that guy.) So if you think the commercials look intriguing you’ll most likely enjoy the classic 70’s plot and strong acting.

Recommendation: If you enjoy good movies you’ll go see The Hangover instead.

I dunno dad... Brazzer's Pass does have good production quality but the plots are lame... kinda like your movies.

I dunno dad... Brazzer's Pass does have good production quality but the plots are lame... kinda like your movies.

Imagine That (Paramount/Nickelodeon)

Eddie Murphy plays an actor who can’t stop his career downspiral is invited into his daughter’s imaginary world… oh wait, no… I’m sorry Murphy plays a finance executive who can’t stop his career downspiral until his daughter’s imagination blah blah blah Eddie Murphy hasn’t made a funny movie since 1988. No seriously… look at his last 23 movies (Shreks not included) Meet Dave, Norbit, Dreamgirls, The Haunted Mansion, Daddy Day Care, I Spy, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Showtime, Dr. Doolittle 2, The Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps, Bowfinger, Life, Holy Man, Doctor Doolittle, Mulan, Metro, The Nutty Professor, Vampire in Brooklyn, Beverly Hills Cop III, The Distinguished Gentleman, Boomerang, Another 48 Hrs, Harlem Nights. If history dictates anything it will dictate this; Imagine That will either earn Jennifer Hudson an Oscar or it will suck harder than having your mom, brother and nephew killed on the same day.

Recommendation: If your kid had a frontal lobotomy then by all means give your money to Paramount and Nickelodeon. Otherwise go see Pixar’s ‘Up’ a second time.

1 Minute Movie Review – Drag Me to Hell June 1, 2009

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The traffic on the way to hell is terrifying.

This moment of terror is when Christine realizes her GPS won't reroute her around the traffic jam to hell. Stupid Garmin.

Drag Me to Hell (Universal) – Sam Raimi makes horror fun once again. While Drag Me to Hell lacks the outright silliness of Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness it ups the mockery of horror movies that take themselves too seriously. Hilarious, shockingly disgusting, fun and satisfying, Drag Me to Hell is similar to the first time you had sex only it’s more professional, and it’s better looking.

Verdict – Very Watchable. Not an instant classic like the aforementioned Evil and Army but it does have twice the amount corpse mucas. So there’s that.

Glad I’m not Kanye’s PR rep April 10, 2009

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http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/04/09/kanye-west-admits-to-getting-murdered-by-south-park-promises-to-deflate-ego/

 

Kanye West Admits To Getting “Murdered” By “South Park,” Promises To Deflate Ego

In addition to today’s reporting on West’s new fragrance, shoes and energy drink, the entire blogosphere has been waiting on pins and needles for Kanye’s inevitable response, which West finally posted on his blog this afternoon. Clumsily using the headline instead of the body to put the entirety of his text, a suddenly humble Kanye had this to say:

“SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT’S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” IT’S COOL TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU’RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE’S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I’M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I’M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I’M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I’M SURE THERE’S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS… THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT’S ME!”

There you have it, a humbled Kanye. We didn’t witness the Berlin Wall coming down, but we imagine reading West’s post is kind of what it must have been like. One day, we’ll all look back on this day and thank South Park for ushering in this historic moment in the life of Kanye. Oh, and South Park took on the Jonas Brothers recently, too.