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The Worst of ’08 in 5 Minutes January 4, 2009

Posted by The Ringer in Year in Review.
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One of the worst years of the decade is finally over. Fortunately it was an above average year for the film scene. As much as it pains me to say it even Hollywood managed to pump out some good stuff on the blockbuster front for once. But of course California’s entertainment capitol also shoved some soft, nut filled dookie down our throats. Here’s what has been floating in the bowl over the year.

Indeeee! Cova ya hog!

Indeeee! Cova ya hog!

Biggest Disappointment: Indiana Jones (Paramount) – South Park’s episode  The China Probrem pretty

much illustrates what happened with this film. Watch it here. Scrilla Made, $601,558,759 Rottentomatoes.com Score, 76%.

Worst Fantasy: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (Fox) – I’d rather marry the corpse of Courtney Love than watch this again. Wait, she’s not dead. Well, either way. Scrilla Lost, $48,161,626. Rottentomatoes Score, 4%. Ouch.

Worst Horror: The Eye (Paramount Vantage) – Physical proof that putting Jessica Alba in any movie is a good business decision no matter how damning it may be to the integrity of art. Scrilla Made, $56,309,826. RT Score,  22%.

Myers counts the different places to love Jessica Alba.

Myers counts the different places to love Jessica Alba.

Worst Comedy: The Love Guru (Paramount Pictures) – When a movie with Jessica Alba loses $21,180,936 the person responsible should commit suicide. Your move Mike Myers. Scrilla Lost, Read the last sentence. RT Score, 14%

Worst Action Movie: Bangkok Dangerous (Lions Gate) – Nicholas Cage’s only effort in ’08 needed more bears punching women.  Scrilla Lost, $6,321,077. RT Score, 9%.

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2008’s Favorites December 28, 2008

Posted by The Ringer in Uncategorized, Year in Review.
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Its time to review the year in movies. For those outside the know Oscar season is about to explode like a 13 year old pubescent boy as he views his first real life side-boob. This incendeiry blast marks the end of the year in movies. That and the end of the calendar year.
Before I let loose with my opinions I’d like to say two things about ranking a year’s movie crop. Trying to rank the best movies doesn’t work. There is no ‘Best’, and there is no ‘Worst.’ There is only what you liked, and what you hated. So here’s what I hate the least ranked in order by which movie I’d most like to see again.

Why so serious Heath? Why don't you take a valium? And a vicodan and an ambien. You'll feel less serious.

Why so serious Heath? Why don't you take a valium? And a vicodan and an ambien. You'll feel less serious.

1. El Caballero Oscuro, o para mis amigos de Engles…The Dark Knight. Maybe you’ve heard of it. This isn’t the best film I saw this year but I will definitely see it several more times before I die or go blind. Hopefully I’ll die first. I don’t think I could handle not ever being able to see Fenway Park, side-boob, or puppies again. I don’t care how masculine you claim to be, puppies are knee meltingly adorable. Rewatchability – Imminent.

2. Tropic Thunder. Robert Downey Jr pretends to be an Australian pretending to be an African American and makes it look Oscar worthy. Meanwhile Jack Black is funny for once, while Ben Stiller is not funny again as Derek Zoolander in the jungle. I’m excited to watch this on my couch with a big bag of… jellybeans. Yes. Jellybeans. Marijuana flavored jellybeans. I’ve said too much. Rewatchability – Until I run out of jellybeans.